I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
