so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
