There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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