Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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