Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
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you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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