He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
