I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
