First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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