My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
