You work out of a Hotel?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
