the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
