Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
