I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
