R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
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It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
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I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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