I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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