fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
