wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize