You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
