just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
