She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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