Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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