where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize