Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
