I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I lost the right to judge tonight
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
