you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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