I bet he comes in French.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Two words: blizzard sex
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
