yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the day after is always just damage control
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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