you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
