I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
