the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
