she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
