Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
