Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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