he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
