the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
