Heybabeimwearingurpanties
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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