You can't special order awesome
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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