his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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