super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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