shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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