so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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