they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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