My hand turned me down
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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