I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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