it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
