Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
