Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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