he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
