I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
