i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
