I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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