i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
