i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
