I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
