i think i have two assholes
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Randomize
