I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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