I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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