In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
