dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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