i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize