farters have to be the big spoon...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
