I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
