There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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