she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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