Girls should come with a carfax report
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
